y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
