I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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