the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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