I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
