Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
