Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
