My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
