I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
