im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
