college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
