she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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