3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
