i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
