He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
