I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
