I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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