We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
