This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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