I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
