ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
