saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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