mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
