I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
