after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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