Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
