He felt like a one man threesome
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
