The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
