somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
