Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
