i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
