It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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