when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
