You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
