I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I cut my penus on the lid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
