On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
