Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
