We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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