Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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