put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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