he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
