To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
