nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
