We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
