Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
