the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
