are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
