Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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