If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
