life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
