Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
