soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
