The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
