Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
